I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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