Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
