i barfeds in our rink
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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