I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
