I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As shirtless as possible
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
