My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We got so high we made milksteak
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
