Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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