the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
