he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
