I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
