You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
