I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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