its not stalking. its research.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
