I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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