Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
