honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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