No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
