You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
