Your mouth is God's brothel.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
