she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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