people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
