So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
