i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
