mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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