He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
