Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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