Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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