hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
