well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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