No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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