Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
