I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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