Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
