Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
