Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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