an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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