the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
