Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
