So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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