a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
