Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize