and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My cat gives me a boner
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
