sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
