im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
