is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize