Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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