Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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