how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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