butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
