My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
false alarm, still single
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize