I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
porn star boner night. come get it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
