Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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