On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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