Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
