Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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