My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
