You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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