if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
