Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
