mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
