I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
